I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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