My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
