you guys were way drunker than both of me
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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