My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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