8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
