When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
