What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Randomize
