Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
