Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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