our cab driver is having phone sex.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
