So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
How external is "for external use only"?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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