I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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