Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
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