Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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