i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
His hands were made for my vagina.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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