i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
