Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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