I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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