so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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