Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
