well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
In other news, I just burned my penis
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
