i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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