That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
