If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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