My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
