you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
honey bunches of taint.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
