1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I cockslap morals
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
