I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
