Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
