just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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