she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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