Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
