my vag is so smooth its legendary
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
