YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I am mentally ready for anal.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
