I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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