Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I deserve this hangover.
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