This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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