just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
