yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
