For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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