mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
