Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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