if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
There was a lot of him and a little penis
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
