First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
