Where did you get a picture of my penis
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
