wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
