Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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