where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
