Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
