I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
