I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
